To kill myself or not kill myself, that is the question
I face an existential crisis every day
I want to hurt myself
I want to bleed, to wound myself physically because I can't deal with my mental
The questions and thoughts that plague me every day
I wish I could expunge these idiot things that run through my head
The stupid fucking people that cause me grief every day
Those people are the people I live with
The people I love
The people I work with
Every mother fucking person
I wish I could live isolated
But not alone
Live in my own colony of people that understand me as well as I understand myself
I wish I could operate normally
Not over correct for every fucking small iota of every tiny moment in the goddamn day
Why do I have to do everything to such an extent?
Why can't I just be happy?
Why can't I just sleep a peaceful slumber instead of tossing and turning for hours before?
I hate myself
But do I really hate myself?
Or the circumstances that I face?
This life I live is not the life I want
I want freedom
The ocean
The sand to catch these unshed tears
The cold to hit my face
And something warm to embrace
I want sex,
But do I want it for the carnal pleasure or for the way it makes me forget for a time these turmoiled emotions I deal with every instant of every motherfucking goddamn day?
I want a partner
But I can't trust
I'm so alone
I'm so alone
I'm so alone
Goddamn I'm alone
How do I fix this?
How do I fix me?
I'm so alone.
No one will ever know the inner core of me.
Someone save me
I wish I were dead.
Someone kill me
I wish I knew real life.
Human essence is the dirt of the earth.
We destroy,
We do not conquer.
We forget,
We all still suffer.
Goddamn us all to the figment of our imagination that is hell.
Every fucking one of us deserves it.
Burn us in a firey pit and then crush our bones to make the cement that holds us all unwillingly together.
Fucking kill me so I don't have to kill myself.
Nothing makes this feeling go away. No one satiates this gnawing numbness I feel.
I am a black hole that devours every good emotion
Nothing to replace it inside this empty space within me
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me