I think perhaps I could be happy

if I weren’t so afraid to lose control.

I know I would cry like a child

who is lost and can’t find her way home.

My shell of self-control is such a perfect place to hide.

I act like I have it all together

but the truth is, I just keep it all inside.

I’m sure that I could be exciting

if for once I could just let go.

I know that I could make connections

if I could just let my feelings show.

No happiness or sorrow,

no excitement, pain or rage.

My fear of my emotions

has become a tiny iron cage.

I’ve never made those dumb mistakes

that other people I know have.

I just can’t handle feeling foolish

and I hate making people mad.

The things I feel but never show

are eating me alive.

If I don’t get them out somehow

I’m afraid I won’t survive.

I know there are countless chemicals

to let you forget what’s on your mind.

And though that’s exactly what I need

I know I could never find

the courage to surrender my inhibitions

to let people see me lose control

I guess that kind of freedom

is something I will never know.