I wish I let the feeling in my stomach stay as empty as your promises.
And here I am scraping my knuckles trying to dig deeper into my cracks
Hoping you'll be there to pull me back when I scratch too deep below the surface.
But I was 6 feet deep without a refuge and you were handing me a shovel so I could bury myself even deeper into the thoughts that keep me under. And of course, you liked that.

I told myself it was just a dream
Just a dream that left me on my knees praying I'd fall back to sleep because if I knew I was awake, and I saw your hands, there's no way in hell I could live with that scene.
But we were more than just a movie. A nightmare concocted from the mind of a man who cracks his knuckles to the tune of shame and I would give my bones away for just a chance at a second take if it meant that you would finally learn from your iron filled mistakes.  

I wonder if when you die you can choose where you go because when I was with you I knew what hell felt like and I just want a second chance to know
But how could I ever sleep when you haunt me like a ghost that snuck it's hands underneath my clothes
And isn't religion a funny thing?
If God was real you would've stopped because I prayed so **** hard when 'no' just wasn't enough
he wasn't there when I had to wipe my blood while you were banging on the bathroom door screaming "get the **** up" and so I did.

The time I spent in your bed was like lying in my grave.
I wanna breathe in every mistake that you made until my lungs are as black as your mothers.
You know you're just like her, admit it.

You stunt my growth with your words like cigarettes burning in my throat.
And did you know, that when you touched me I wished your hands were a rope. So that when I fell in your arms I'd detach my skull from my body and I know hurting me was your hobby but I thought you'd be more gracious than to watch me while I'm rotting.

I wish the chemicals in my brain would release memories of you before they released sadness into my veins. I feel like I'm going insane, so caught up in your lies and how you've changed. I want so desperately to forget your name but it echoes through my ears every ******* day. Shut up, shut up, shut the **** up, I could yell but it wouldn't be enough. After all, you'll never listen to the words I try to construct to tell you about how I'd love to tear my skin from your touch.

And *******, after all of this, what I would give to have you put me in and out of consciousness. But I could never miss the toxic notions you let out between your lips.
those 3 words that I wish you never did
Love me? how dare you say you love me when you'd rather put your hands on me.

and how dare I say I love myself when I let it happen...