My Little Brother’s Toy Train
Was indeed a cool toy to play with
I remember staring at it with utter fascination
I even remember wishing it was mine.
We would play with it together
Imagining that we were the passengers inside
Not even caring about the time.
So one night we played with it again
But it had a little accident.
I knew it was my fault, but I didn’t mean it.
My little brother’s eyes were already glistening
With tears that are waiting to be freed.
I tried to save his toy train
So I immediately grabbed it and tried to fix it
I looked at my father for help
But
His eyes were already burning with fire
Why is he mad?
Why is he angry?
What wrong have I done?
I am trying to fix what I just broke
I am really trying hard.
He started to shout
Making my knees shake in terror
I thought my mother was going to help me
But
Her eyes were already filled with pure disappointment.
“Mama! Help me I never wanted anything like this to happen!
I just wanted to play with my little brother
Mama, please understand?”
I looked back at my father
Not meeting his gaze
But when I finally did
He snatched the toy train from my arms and smashed it with all his might.
“I’m sorry little brother! I know how you loved that one.”
But his eyes gladly answered “It’s okay my sister, don’t worry, I understand.”
My father was still screaming at the top of his lungs
My ears felt like they were already bleeding
My eyes were already drowning
My lips were already trembling
trying to make a sound.
And when it finally did, the first thing I said was
“I’m sorry papa!”
But he just kept on shouting!
I’m sorry papa I swear I didn’t mean it!
I’m sorry papa I was just trying to help!
I’m sorry papa
but I was just doing what you taught me best
To be your perfect little girl
I am really trying my best
But I’m sorry papa for not being your perfect little girl,
Papa I just can’t!
There was a complete silence and I thought
‘finally it’s done’
but not until I saw my father’s hand about to land on me.
I protected myself with my arms
Waiting for the pain to hit hard
But
It didn’t
And just as I started opening my eyes
I saw my family eating happily
But there was something missing;
Why wasn’t there a space for me?
I ran to my mother and hugged her
But she couldn’t feel me
I ran to my brother and sister and hugged them
But why couldn’t they feel me?
I tried to hold my father’s hand and whisper “I’m sorry”
But I guess they have forgotten me.
It was like I was watching a life where I once existed but they have abandoned me
for not being the perfect little girl they have expected me to be.
“I just want this nightmare to end!”
I shouted as loud as I could wishing for someone to hear me
And just as I was about to lose hope
Someone woke me up from my misery
He put me into his loving arms.
As I whisper
“I’m sorry papa, I never meant to disappoint you.”
and he fondly answered
“It’s okay little one, papa loves you no matter what.”