I want you to know it was the opposite of breathing to have you inside of me. I would only gasp for air in desperate hope to reach for pleasure to exist within me. Pain would enter my parted mouth like particles of dust dancing in a shaft of deceitful light.I see a glow in yours eyesI secretly try to meet your gaze as I am trying to see where I am going. All I want is for you to offer to hold my hand but you never did see that. I remain patient and silent.I feel a golden penny drop into my experience as it has done many times before. I reach out to catch it. I want to give it to my heart as I am certain it belongs to her. It is clear to me this is the gift of truth I need.The potential promise of this ignites a summers day somewhere lower than my stomach. I wonder of the possibility of this remaining hidden?I now watch the response to my wish for pleasure manifest. I have seen this before.How could I forget this? I ask my self sternly. I breath in contemplating if there is anyway i can prepare for whats been hiding inside of me. I have a tingling familiarity enter me faster than my mind could ever answer. Its heavy. I panic.� I try to some how become tough while I hurt. I watch the coin slowly turning into a dark copper. Embracing this reality thuds inside of me as though the coin it self had been dropped into my heart from a shadowy sky. It feels serious and experienced.It hurts.