I'm not going to pretend to myself i do not feel unsettled in this space of tender silence.
I have learned to somehow forge in myself an arbitrary understanding that I am part of a choice and I have chosen it. I do not object or struggle with knowing I am both everything and nothing. I speak in whispers and conveniently sit at a distance but my curiosity is certain.
I am not subtle.
Of course I have pondered if whether I feel like this is because I am not yet ready to feel the fruits of existence. It seems to have come into sight that I have lost the ability to prepare myself but how when I believe in the notion there are no such thing as surprises.
I still look back on my shadows of arrival and departure and challenge them like any human should.
I am guilty of closing my eyes on many wonders. I instead find my head thinking thoughts mostly full of peculiar shades of grey. Out of fear of being moonstruck I inhabit a duty to be submissive towards the semblance of imperfections that I am.