Softly, my darling, I'm quite tender you know.

Your fists kiss rather hard. I've got the marks to prove it. Yes, yes, I know what Jack does to you. That's why I tried to smash the bottle over your ape's skull, or at least, that's what Jerry told me would stop you.

Look at yourself in the mirror when you shave, my love. The railroad tracks across your forehead match the tender fist-kisses on my legs. I'm sure the medics thought we were perfectly matched. You'll be quite dashing when everything heals over.

What's that you say? Oh I see now, I'll just have to wear pants until the black pools on my thighs fade. Maybe this time I'll just stop trying to look like everybody else. Shorts make my legs look like mutated lumps of play dough.

I know the police wondered how it all began and they didn't believe me when I told them it was because you loved me. People are so silly! Everything has to be done the "right" way. All we can do is laugh it off.

Have a wonderful day at work, honey. I'll be waiting with the Captain when you get home. Maybe we'll find some new inspiration. I'm a canvas, just waiting for you to prove how much you love me. And I love you.

Dear, just be gentle with me, please?