As all children were sleeping
I crept through the night
Nobody heard me
There was no one in sight

I snuck along quiet
To the reindeer den
The North Pole’s frigid air
Gave me a chill now and then

As I entered the cave
I beheld quite a sight
The big red man himself
Gearing up for his flight

My goal was quite simple
My mind was quite clear
Stopping this man was my focus
Christmas would not be this year

Why? You might ask…
What’s this day done to you?
I ask you the same
If only you knew

So I snuck up behind him
With all of my might
A swift bonk on the head
And he was out all right

When he finally came too
He was tied to a chair
He didn’t even struggle
He didn’t even care

“Oh,” Santa said,
“I suppose this is good
I could never keep up
With the lists like I should”

“Each year it gets longer
The list of kids’ wishes
And if I don’t keep the pace…
Well faith is scarce as it is”

Surprised by these facts
I paced back and forth
I must consider my options
Before the light of next morn

Now the time came
For me to explain
The reasons I traveled
To this northern domain

“Three or four years
Have passed since that day
That I vowed from then on
To make Santa pay”

“For on that bright day
I woke up very early
Expecting to open
Presents quite worthy”

“Of a man like me
And all I deserve
Boastful you say?
Not at all, I reserve
The right now to stop
This year’s Christmastide
Each child will face
The disgust as I did”

“For coal is no gift
To a man who is rich
And has all he wants
With the world as his niche”

Santa listened to me
He did not say a word
Till finally he spoke
And only this was heard

“You humans are the same
You think the world owes you much
I’ll tell you this now
We weren’t created for such”

“For I too am a man
Hired to keep the mass calm
Consumerism is the way
It spurs many on”

“There was once a time
When this day meant much more
Then the gifts that showed up
By the tree on the floor”

“Being together was king
Of this secular tradition
But that time is long gone
Replaced by pure ambition”

“Above all else
We remember the name
The brought peace on earth
And forgiveness through pain”

“This was the time
When he appeared in the earth
To go to the cross
And return us are worth”

“So I applaud you now
Though your motives aren’t true
Maybe what this world needs
Is a year bid adieu”

I listened intently
To the things he had said
And a lot of things then
Went on in my head

I wish I could say
That the world plus myself
Could survive a year
Without new things on our shelves

Even if that’s a dream
I will constantly remember
The things he had said
On that day in December