I tried typing everything I needed to say on a typewriter my grandma gave to me on my 14th birthday

You were at my 14th birthday, so beautiful that day

I miss the way you would whisper at the nape at my neck and the the way your fingers would trace my spine down my back all the way to my waistline

then you would wrap yourself around me and dig your mouth behind my ear and whisper, "I love you darling"

and I miss the nights we would stay up until 5am watching the sunrise talking about all the people who ever hurt us in our lives

not knowing that a few years later you would be the one to hurt me the most

you are a thunder storm that never ceases to stop  

your lightening strikes me every time I hear your name, see a pretty face and ******* try to breathe without thinking of you

my god you left me here being suffocated by those around me who will never know me as well as you did

all I ever wanted was for you to be ******* happy but maybe not as happy as me

I was selfish in keeping you all to myself trying to cure the sick silence that would fill my life if I were to ever let you go and ******* for leaving

those three words will never mean the same as they did 2 years, 11 months and 18 days ago

so tell me now

how did it feel to hang there and lose all your doubts and let your problems fall down on everyone who ever cared about you

my heart was hanging there too you never remembered to give it back

I miss you so much