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Sep 2011
I sleep with the lamp on now

Only I throw a black dress shirt over it

I press my arm over my eyes

And pray that it’s only my imagination

That it’s the sound of the fan losing its pace

And not someone testing the doorknob

I pray that it’s just my fear making me realize

The actual weight of the blanket over my feet

That it’s not hands learning the curves of my skinny ankles

And then like clockwork I am awaken

To the smell of her perfume

It smells old as it lingers in my nose before fading

It is not my mother’s perfume

It is sweet and at the same time full of must

And fills my lungs with fear

Makes me hold my breath so that I cannot see it

As I feel the room suddenly get colder

I am just waiting now for a whisper

My ears are begging for it

They are on fire for a response

From the emptiness

Speaking directly to my imagination

I don’t want to see you

I don’t want to hear you

I already feel you

And the only solace I find

Is the answer to the emptiness

Existing in a world where people die

That I might one day

Breathe fear into a man

To remind him what it’s like to be a boy

In the middle of the night

When the night is ready to overtake him

When really

All I ever wanted was to remind someone

I existed

Like writing

“I was here”

On bathroom walls inside movie theaters

I was hear

And you better never forget it
Jon Tobias
Written by
Jon Tobias  San Diego
(San Diego)   
677
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