I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at the earth disintegrating. He was saying something but I registered none of it, and felt my brain vibrating and my lungs stinging. Everything was sideways, up side down and backwards. Nothing made sense and it didn’t need to make sense because I was far from understanding, far from earth and my life and the universe, like a dream.
“What do you see, Lilly?”
I fell to the ground and rolled in the carpet. Colors and sounds were all white noise and space. I reached for his hand and I held it in mine but it felt like needles and I thought I was going to bleed. I’M BLEEDING. I look down at my hands, but they don’t feel like my hands. I stand up, and I sit down. I want to laugh but laughing means nothing and I am falling into a hole of swirling sights and feelings.
“How was that?”
I begin to land on the earth again. What the **** just happened? I ask him, but his words mean nothing. Am I still bleeding? I ask him again, and I forget to listen. I watch his mouth move and I feel scared. I feel like I have been gone for hours and days. I want to ask him again but I am aware that it would be the third time, so I sit quietly and I feel the bugs biting and tearing under my skin.
“How do you feel?”
I look at the shadow on the wall. I wonder if it will get big enough to swallow me whole