That moment you look down and your hand is changing colors. Your mind is lost, and you've lost feeling. The music is consuming you. Drowning you. As if even just existing is now musics priority, and it has taken you over.. Yeah that's when you know you've lost it. The shadows are in the corner but that's where you want to hide. Not possible. So let's **** something. Time, only. Only time. Threats of death, but it's too frightening honestly. Killing time, it changes things. You forget how to change things yourself. When the music takes over, you give it complete control and it makes things you didn't think possible. Creates darkness, but it's comforting. It puts those lost feelings to paper and then you get rid of them. Rid of the things the music creates. It's a vicious cycle, really. You find peace, almost, a seemingly unobtainable peace at first, really, and then you destroy it. It's too peaceful. In peace, there is anxiety. Knowing something is right around the corner. It's always there. It never really goes away. Sits there, watching, waiting for you to get comfortable. You catch yourself thinking you'll be okay this time, you let yourself relax. And then it comes. Once again you forget how to escape the grasp of the darkness. You look down and your hand is changing colors. The music is starting. You're drowning.
-beckb 022615