I just can't help it
Where did you go
What happened
I know things weren't always perfect
Things changed
We seemed to grow apart
Your religion meant more to you
I respect your wishes
I respected you
Everyone says they knew
Knew you would do this to me
Sad to say that I trusted you and believed in you so deeply
With all my heart
I gave you all I had
I would have given you life
A child
And infinite happiness
But you weren't happy with me
Who knows if you ever would've been
Or even truly were happy with me
I keep asking myself
What did I do
Why did you give up on me
When I needed you
Where did you go
Are you engaged?
Did you parents tell you to end whatever wasn't good enough?
No idea
If only you were a man who loved me unconditionally
A man who was proud of me
Proud of my aspirations
Proud of my courage
Strength
Courage to tell you when you're wrong
I love you
That is why I speak
I wanted something real
More real than you were giving me
You lied to me
You called me baby
When in your mind your plans
Well they weren't the same as mine
I have bled for you
Cried for you
Begged for you
I trusted you
I put faith in our bond and I never thought it would end
I believed you when you said you would tell your parents
Everyone says you would never
And my client who you wish to be like
Says you never had the ***** to tell your parents about us
And that you let your mutual religion define you too much
You need to be happy
And if being traditional and marrying for status, money, religion, culture, then so be it
I haven't control
You are a man
You have those choices.
Choose wisely
I would never wish any bad to you or your family
I forgive you
Each moment I think of a memory that I miss
Those first kisses in sunlight with heartbeats that beat the same pace
Smiles in the morning
I loved waking up to you
I do miss you
And I miss us and the glimmers of what we could have had each day for the rest of our lives
But you changed your mind about me
Did I get fat?
Did I say something?
Did I hurt you?
I'm so so sorry if I did
My cries are hard and uncontrollable
It's 3am every night
I'm sorry I wasn't perfect
For you
I am covering my pain with anger and a facade of happiness
Everyone thinks I'm taking it so well
I'm so unbelievably in pain
Do you prefer men?
Did I not please you in a timely manner?
Did I not make you breakfast that Sunday and it angered you?
Why
Why
Why
Why did you tell me marriage is where it was going?
Why did you always say fusion if it wasn't real?
Why did you put that ring on my ring finger while I slept?
Why did you lie so much?
Why wasn't I good enough to learn from always?
Why did there need to be an end?
What are the "facts" because you never told me
I rarely ask personal questions
Like the camera
Funny I know you well enough to know that normally you say where someone's going (a destination) you just kept saying "going out of town"
I'm sure you planned your escape farther than that day in advance because you started being unkind after my ex text me
And you simply do not trust me
Why is that?
A projection
That I should have never trusted you.
I wish you happiness, I doubt you will find it unless you decide to be true to yourself, whatever that may be which makes you happy.
If you refuse to live life daily happily instead you are thinking about an after life (dying) well THAT is depressing.
If I thought each day about death, what happens or where we go or even if I did every little thing a book said to do like how to wash my hands, how to bow my head, the list goes on. If I did those things but wasn't an ignorant fool to believe everything I read I would feel depressed and miserable. As do you.
we all have archetypes.
ARCHETYPES
SOULS
ENERGY
MINDS
DO WHAT FEELS GOOD
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
Whatever that may be
I wish that for you.
& I Forgive you.