You don't have to keep saying sorry

Regrets run down along my arms
I try covering them up with
Long sleeve shirts , I've made from memory

I can't keep the past behind me,
a week ago I ran into a picture of myself , I've been wondering what my smile has felt like since
I've forgotten those things long ago
Who I use to be , maybe that's  
why I stay up late now trying to remember
But its even worse when you figure it all out
  It gets hard to sleep when you know
Who you are waking up in the morning
A couple of days ago the fireplace lit up something inside of me

Smell of smoke still lingers in the kitchen ,whenever people stop by they ask "have you been trying to set yourself on fire*"
I smile
Wonder if they know what is to become of a child who pretended the second hand smoke was fog and happy endings were over when the coughing started
I layed my happy endings in a coffin long before the lighters started showing up

You expect them to know how easy it is to burn , I want to tell them how I've made ashes of myself
How I don't know if I'm more afraid of being buried or cremated alive

But I smile
And hope it gives them something to believe in ,to remember me by
other then my first name