I want to write to immortalize my name,
but my heart is poured out on the ground like wax,
So like Jesus and Solomon and some others,
If I'm lucky,
maybe I could immortalize my pain.
It has all been redone, rehashed, rewritten, and reread, (this included)
and like billions of others,
my world revolves around me,
my instinct and my survival,
wedged in my head.
We are all philosophers, scientists and sheep,
from princes to murderers,
from mothers to sailors,
the remembered and forgotten,
the drunks and the tailors-
We're sincerely believing the delusions we keep.
I think some found truth,
and others found lies,
and some found excuses
for the passions of youth.
But I have favourite things that keep me alive,
the songs and the family and friends that help me pass time,
conquering problems and getting things right,
the fragile ecstasy,
the rare intimacy,
touch.
I constantly feel the drain of time running out,
my back is in knots,
I'm tired and in doubt.
I see people I love aging and fading,
and I know we all share it,
our lives are decaying.
My heart has grown hard from the sorrow I've seen,
so many bleeding,
I'm also bleeding.
It's too hard too cry tears for all the begging children I see
they never run out,
we're always needing.
I want to live hope and love in this world,
despite my terminal condition,
my weakness and waywardness,
my incessant betrayal,
there must be some good to flow from this cracked jar.
And I want to walk with you,
none of us are alone here,
this pain belongs to us all.
I will fail from time to time,
in my self-centerdness forget you are mine.
But there will be times when we will touch on eternity.
We will calm the blame with soft whispers of each others names.
We will laugh and clown until our tears have run out.
We will know we belong, pretend that were strong.
In this sense I do live for you, and you for me,
imagine without that what a hell this would be.
And when I die, who knows what will be next?
But I will leave behind some beautiful things.
And if you go before me,
I'll carry you home,
then bury your bones,
then bury your memories inside me
and let them fade with me.