I was hoping that what I feared the most
would retreat into the darkest corners...
of my mind,
hide themselves in space and time
so they would never
double cross me.
But even in the blackest hole
their presence haunted me nightly,
and as the tears stained my soul
I kept welcoming the pain
because I wanted you.
Everything should have been fine
but we fell somewhere and,
you forgot to help me up.
Had I the strength, I would have
carried you all the way
but you turned out to be dead weight.
The light of day
couldn't warm my smile,
couldn't break the ice
or break the vice
that squeezed the life from me.
I embraced this pain waiting and wishing
for a better day,
when you would finally say
"I love you," and mean it,
when you would finally stay and mean it.
But all this time, all these days
you slowly, slowly slipped away
because you could never say what you need to say,
to my face.
It was like staring at the sun too long
how you blindsided me,
with the smile on your face
but really you wanted me to go away
you weren't strong and you weren't brave.
To tell me this,
you had to wait
you had to lie
to keep my heart intact
one more time.
And all of this doesn't make a difference,
shouldn't make a difference,
but it does...
now I just regret being in love.
Now I just regret,
all the time that I spent
and the things that I did,
and the energy I took to make it right
when all this time....
Our love just slowly faded into the night.