I've been so up and down these past few days. The anniversary of your suicide is this month. I sit and have to convince myself, that I did the best I could at that moment in my life. I tried to get you to stop drinking. I tried to get you to take care of all of your court ordered classes.

I'm angry, I'm sad, and I'm lost without you.

I can't forgive myself. I can't. I don't know how. The more I sit on these thoughts the more it hurts. The more I want to leave in the worst possible way, so I can either come see you, or feel nothing at all.

I carry on, with my heavy soul. Bound here. In this place you left. I'm not angry with you. Quite the opposite. I love you. I also understand why you did what you did.  I am sad, because I know what it is to feel that low. And I am lost because you felt like the missing pieces, to the puzzle of my life.

Storm.