when i get ****** my hair feels greasy because i broke my sobriety when you broke my heart
not that i was really sober
or somber
or helpful, even
but at least you liked to hold me.

i accidentally re-read conversations about The One Before The One Before You
and felt sick to my stomach because of the disgust in my voice
and his lack of awareness
and the fact that i didn't even know you then but i already can feel myself
saying your name though those words.

this feels so millennial, talking about you/me/him/us through a keyboard
into the internet (if the wifi ever works) where you'll probably never see
but strangers will but i just want to tell you in person that
i want you back.

they're gonna play spin the bottle tomorrow and i hope you sit next to me
or don't play
so i don't have to feel weird if it lands on you and you don't wanna kiss me even if i wanna kiss you.