6 months and 26 days since I last set my eyes on you.
And now, unable to keep still, you're walking slow circles around me.
Watch me stumble down over myself for you. Dizzy up the girl.
We fall back in place so easily. It's almost as if nothing has changed.
But things will never be the same. We cannot be.
Your words slow and steady, you reach down into a cup and wait
Until suddenly I'm squirming and ice is trickling down my dress;
First down my back, and then braver,
You throw some down my purposeful cleavage.
I squirm and scream and make a scene
But my smile is as wide as the sky is blue
Because you have the ability to make me melt with one word
And then you make eye contact, even though it's so hard, and I'm gone.
Alice falling eight years down the rabbit hole back into innocence.
Once, twice, three times we'll do this dance
And I keep thinking that maybe it'll hurt less if we stop
But I'm a ********* and so here I am missing you
And hating myself for asking for just one more waltz.
You decline. You have your wife and photographs and your God
And I have music to help suffocate this pain.
So, instead we talk about your quest for baby furniture and names:
Once inspired by four British boys with pretty voices
Today you've sold your records (and the memories too)
In favor of saints and the Greek Orthodoxy.
You've traded secret midnight visits for Sunday morning hymns
And so as you hug me goodbye I contemplate karma
And what she would have to say about you and I.
Father, please forgive me for I have sinned.