There is a stack of pictures that I keep for my records
So that I won't forget a few things about you.
This is you when you were happy.
When you stopped hurting
Your eyes closed from smiling big.
This is you when you were little.
Fingers wrapped in the hem of your dress
Twirling and being a princess.
This is us when I was younger.
I used to hurt you back then but
You stilled grinned at me sheepishly.

Despite everything - I still know you.
Our complex interactions are exhausting to navigate
Because
You set rules and
Then break every one
You are indecisive and
Inconsistent and
Loud - unpredictable.
Sometimes you kiss me and sometimes you scream.
I can't tell when to duck or brace because
When you hit me I never see it coming.

I called you a whirlwind once and there
Is a tightly protected secret in the center
That I know I shouldn't tell:
You keep your innocence there.
Wrapped in the claws and chaos is
The little girl you used to be.
If you don't let anyone in to
Comfort her she will scratch the paint
Off the walls of your studio apartment
While she whispers hatred and fear
Into your ears.
She will destroy you for leaving her alone.
She has already started and
No matter what you take she will
**** you before you can **** her.