Breathe in yourself and search for this. Do you know me?? Have you ever lived with me?? Does it shock you that my experience isn't the same as yours?? If it does, your very stupid. Claiming your worth over mine has been such a simple tactic for you and surprisingly choosing you as someone who wanted control I granted it. I have no self esteem and even after ascending from hell i wouldn't capture the inner consent or capacity for it. After seeing the best and the worst and knowing every relative outcome I can still find myself unwilling to leave my dark hole; yes i am very afraid still. I'm not a god. I fear the unknown and in a manner most defensive i can't stop shuddering at the idea of  non existence. BUT, that doesn't make me weak or childish. I can climb the mountain just like you have, I can do anything you can and it doesn't make a difference as long as i have the right. You feel entitled to some pretty unrealistic **** just because of your gender or your history with stupidity, almost dying doesn't make you dead given that you literally have to be brain dead. You aren't the only one who has suffered with anxiety or depression. you aren't special. I was a fool to try and treat you like you were. I don't care how much you try to defend your family given that i tried to be close with them and only to face repeating rejection, its dumb that you defend them when I walk in your home and see how you talk to them, you don't treat them with respect at all. Not too long ago i hugged your mama, i bet you haven't hugged her in so long. Don't try and project this ******* concept that I ruined your life. I did all I could to help. You blame me for your sins and try to make it look like "I made you do it." No child. You did. You claim to be a grown up but you barely even understand what that means.