"Knock knock, can I come in?" "Yes sure, you can"

why do you guys act like all of you don't dislike me but allow me to join you? i'm so confused. Am I making a fool of myself here? Am I a clown to all of you because you guys keep treating me like this?

I feel like I can never rank high in your list of good friends. why do I keep trying so hard. it would never help. it won't ever work.

why do I keep spending time with you in hopes to get closer to you like how close we were before?

why am I making myself unhappy at the end of the day? I felt like I would've have cried at that moment. asking a friend you've got to know through me whether that friend wanted a friendship band but not asking me.

how about me? have you forgotten about me? feeling so many hurt that I couldn't even breathe properly. the pain is indescrible. almost like so many thorns on a rose piercing right through our heart. you can't stop the pain.

so tell me, is this friendship ever worth it? will it ever be?