I recently have realized something.
I now understand why this has all been so hard.
It's not just that I'm heartbroken.
I'm mourning.
That's why I'm broken.
That's why I lost all ability to love.
That's why I cry constantly and always feel like I can't breathe.
That's why he never leaves my mind.
I'm grieving.
The person I love no longer exists.
There's not one trace of him in that now skinny body.
The man I fell for has vanished and is never coming back.
It's as though a new person inhabits that body and haunts me everywhere I go.
A new person has been given the voice that can make me melt with one syllable.
And my soulmate...
The greatest love of my life is no more.
I mourn his loss every single day.
I break down crying every single night.
He's all I write about,
All I draw about.
And nobody understands why.
None of them get why I am still so broken hearted.
And that is the thing...
I'm not.
I've never been simply just dealing with a broken heart.
I'm grieving the dissaperance of the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
And truthfully I don't think I'll ever stop.
Even if someday I fall inlove again,
Get married, and have kids.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life wishing for a man who no longer exists.
And can never come back.
My bestfriend.... Is as good as dead.