How could I forget them cold winter nights, those long bitter fights, those potentially fatal flights, lifeless body beneath florescent lights, preacher reading my last rights, **** now isn't that a sad sight, now tell me everything will be alright, I have to go when death comes so **** what you tell me about life, so many times you told me to take my heart and hold it tight, to never put it in the fight, I never meant for them to see what I was doing to myself, living for the end and nothing else, after he left I stayed on that pharmacy shelf, slowly watching my mind melt, stay gone so the pain can't be felt, six for the trip there, three more to get me in the air, nothing can compare, the heart I can't share, the pain I can't bare, dilated pupils and a cold distant stare, addiction and death labeled the perfect pair, tears streaming lungs void of air, and I'm not even at the peak, arms out as I reach, completely disregarded that speech, standing at that podium had my heart weak, tears began to fall before I could even speak, if I told you about my struggle would you even listen, fake smile because I know they pay attention, mind in a dire condition, why do you think my future is something I rarely mention, because honestly I dont even know if I'll make it there, saw the badlands so I had to take it there, just make sure they have my funeral and wake there, I cried til it hurt, begging with my knees in the dirt, asking what the **** is my life worth, why did she decide against birth, why couldn't I control this curse, questions that have me deprived of sleep, on the edge thinking just leap, made promises I knew I couldn't keep, never could comprehend what they said, to many fatal memories swimming in my head, looked down on for the life being led, this beast begging to be fed, six years marked in red, the key to insanity inked over my heart, destroyed before you could even start, sadly that tore my ******* life apart, couldn't cope with the pain, soul exposed in the rain,, never even had a name, my life labeled a ******* shame, partly because I treat everything like a game, tripp til my body is forever lain, losing your sanity leaves nothing to gain, addiction is a beast no mortal can tame, reckless as **** as I speed down memory lane, fleeting prayers whispered in vain, I could stop but why, let my soul leak as I let this pen cry, six to let this mind fly, nothing short of bliss, if you care about life you wouldn't live like this, I have heard that ever since we were kids, **** we were just kids, so my vision of a family was artificial and fake, I knew a life was something I wasn't ready to create, but it **** well wasn't something we had the right to take, that wasn't our decision to make, tripped just to avoid the heartache, so **** quiet I could hear that heart break, handed my life over to this addiction just a short time later, another six months gone then I lost my saviour, young reckless behavior, just a nudge right now would push me over the end, when i was just 17 i lost a very close friend, and ever since then life just hasnt been the same,  thats the biggest reason i had to make a change, i just couldnt cope with the pain, even on the brightest days it can still rain,