I lay down at night in varying degrees of ****** up, and my brain starts to go over the day, and my brain starts to go over the past few days,
I knew there would be nights where I miss you but I didnt think there would be nights where I missed you so much I got the smell of my ***** and cranberry juice confused with your morning breath,
or a night where I smoked a cigarette just to know if it helps like you said it did,
it didnt, but I dont hate you for lying to me.
I didnt think id miss you so much someone elses thighs or the curves of someone elses soft back could only make me want to call you,
its a good thing I dont have a phone right  now.
I didnt think I would sit down to write and lose all inspiration because youre the inspiration,
you were the first person to make me remember how much writing can help you declutter my mind and now every time I think of my favorite traits in myself I think of how somewhere along the line I did what I did because of you,
and now I do what I do because of me,
I cant be here,
I cant be yours,
I cant be gods or americas or anyone but mine,
im on this earth for me and that might seem selfish but I urge everyone to live the same way,
we are not here to linger in each others presences and follow the rules that are thrown at us,
I dont know why were here though,
I only know why im here,
im here to be happy, and my happiness does not reside in law school or financial stability or any of that it comes from the raw fact that I do the things my own being would be happy about. im here to feed my essence so that when I die this shell can rot, but my effect will be benevolent or beneficial.