Jul 2015
December 11, 2012
Maybe her smiling is really you telling me you forgive me. Maybe one day we can meet face to face in a place without time and space. I love you, whoever you would have been.
Sometimes I wonder if I just didn't deserve that blessing, found myself on the line to insanity just pressing, all these worthless things I'm stressing, I guess this is my way of confessing, I wanted that soul more than I wanted to live, but when the time came I had nothing to give, I know that there will never be an excuse for what I did, ****, I was just a kid, so my vision of happiness was artificial and fake, I knew a life is something I wasn't ready to create, but it **** sure wasn't something we had the right to take, after that my life felt like one big mistake, I still don't know how I made it through those nights, so many fatal flights, gram after gram before each of the fights, I want to tell you something that no one else will ever know, remember that cold February night that seemed to move so slow, that's the night I chose to let go, I couldn't handle always feeling so low, so gram by gram I prepared myself for the worse, woke up the next morning cursing this curse, why the **** did I survive, they said divine intervention was the only reason I was alive, so now the darkness is the only place my mind can thrive, a year later I found myself back in the same place, doubled the dose just in case, I turned the music up and looked myself in the face, I wrote you a letter and put it in a safe place, I found it just the other day, looking back I don't know how I survived living that way, I remember crying not knowing what to say, I started falling apart as you walked away, six months later in a cold dark room strapped to a bed, you would go insane if you knew what was going through my head, thoughts of being better off dead, that's why I got those marks in red, one for each year I made it, knowing before to long I will just be another memory that has faded, to my kind normality has always been hated, doing whatever it takes to evade it, tears streak down my face as I think about all the birthdays that will never be celebrated, looking at my life I just ******* hate it, the potential wasted is something I am constantly reminded of, looking her in the eyes wishing I could somehow show some kind of love, she deserves better than I can ever be, wondering if I'll ever know free, so many unknown doors and I found the key, used to use just so I could see, seven years later and it is still consuming me, but I'll never let them know how bad this **** has become, why do you think I've spent the last six years on the run, I wish I could go back to when I would just trip for fun, now each night I wonder if I will make it to the morning sun, or will death finally punish me for everything I've done, only time will tell that tale, so until then I'm gonna trip without fail, till my body is cold and frail, slowly building my casket each trip is just another nail, these days my eyes seem so hollow and pale,
Maybe her smiling is really you telling me you forgive me. Maybe one day we can meet face to face in a place without time and space. I love you, whoever you would have been.
Sometimes I wonder if I just didn't deserve that blessing, found myself on the line to insanity just pressing, all these worthless things I'm stressing, I guess this is my way of confessing, I wanted that soul more than I wanted to live, but when the time came I had nothing to give, I know that there will never be an excuse for what I did, ****, I was just a kid, so my vision of happiness was artificial and fake, I knew a life is something I wasn't ready to create, but it **** sure wasn't something we had the right to take, after that my life felt like one big mistake, I still don't know how I made it through those nights, so many fatal flights, gram after gram before each of the fights, I want to tell you something that no one else will ever know, remember that cold February night that seemed to move so slow, that's the night I chose to let go, I couldn't handle always feeling so low, so gram by gram I prepared myself for the worse, woke up the next morning cursing this curse, why the **** did I survive, they said divine intervention was the only reason I was alive, so now the darkness is the only place my mind can thrive, a year later I found myself back in the same place, doubled the dose just in case, I turned the music up and looked myself in the face, I wrote you a letter and put it in a safe place, I found it just the other day, looking back I don't know how I survived living that way, I remember crying not knowing what to say, I started falling apart as you walked away, six months later in a cold dark room strapped to a bed, you would go insane if you knew what was going through my head, thoughts of being better off dead, that's why I got those marks in red, one for each year I made it, knowing before to long I will just be another memory that has faded, to my kind normality has always been hated, doing whatever it takes to evade it, tears streak down my face as I think about all the birthdays that will never be celebrated, looking at my life I just ******* hate it, the potential wasted is something I am constantly reminded of, looking her in the eyes wishing I could somehow show some kind of love, she deserves better than I can ever be, wondering if I'll ever know free, so many unknown doors and I found the key, used to use just so I could see, seven years later and it is still consuming me, but I'll never let them know how bad this **** has become, why do you think I've spent the last six years on the run, I wish I could go back to when I would just trip for fun, now each night I wonder if I will make it to the morning sun, or will death finally punish me for everything I've done, only time will tell that tale, so until then I'm gonna trip without fail, till my body is cold and frail, slowly building my casket each trip is just another nail, these days my eyes seem so hollow and pale,
