The problem is that I love fiercely,
or not at all.

And so my emotions are drowning me. Drowning me beneath an ocean of pinpricks of hurt because you love me, but you have her.
And so your love is choking me with the feeling of being alone forever because although I have you, I dont have you.
Not even a little bit,
                          not at all.

It was as I sat outside and listened to your ridiculous stories about fashion that the smile on my face became stationary and my mind was moving all over the place. It was jumping and running around you, kissing your lips and putting my head on your shoulder and it was up and running away on the glass shards that were your blue eyes because really, they chase me everywhere.  

I could not.

The only thing I could do was sit there and smile and watch because you utterly amaze me. I watched your blue eyes peel the world layer by layer and discuss how you think life should be and all I could do was smile. Completely, utterly in love, I could only smile. Smile about what could never be, what is to be buried like dreams you never tell a soul. A smile that should be left in the dark and treated with shame. A smile of a world of hurt. A smile of being so happy someone like you exists in the world, because you are a treasure.
So I hope she cherishes you, and realizes when she curls her arms around you that she has won. She has utterly won and I am left crying on my bed and collecting my tears and memories only to fling them back into my ocean of hurt.

So you see, the problem is not you.
The problem is that I love fiercely,
or not at all.