"I am a man on fire" he stated
                                               undeniably ablaze with passion.
       This would be a man I would love, I thought,
                             One I could have even a year ago when I was a woman lit with fire, but presently
the more accurate statement is,
            I am afraid and fighting for life

I keep trying to crack the code of how I got here again - lost in another addictions and multitasking distractions
     when the question truly is how did I believe I woudln't end up here?
When the truth is I will again until I sort my demons
                                                         I've been workin on it for years,
                                             and to my credit I suppose it's better and fewer haunt me
but
I'm here again
       wanting to want life but altering my reality via drugs

I was a victim
I am a victim
of abuse, and a heart that feels too much
                                          respectively,

So the idea of love is daunting because I have a black and blue history of finding people
who will hurt me
           because that was my home,
   that's what I lived
and at night, when no one can see
                            I believe it's what I deserve
    but I've learned that's wrong
The cycle, the habit, the belief as destructive as it is
is easier said than broken, but I'm trying

I would like to be like that man on fire.

For now I'll simply settle for a woman okay with being alive.
            Baby steps my lovely,
                             baby steps.