I can stand in a room full of people
and feel nothing but sadness
because no one really knows the important parts of me
So I pour a drink
My chest starts to shrink
My mind starts to race
All I can think about is how I should've just left those ******* chips in the bowl
And I make myself a double this time
Because I hate what I am wearing
It clings in all the wrong places- "Why would I wear this when I knew I would be eating so much today"
And the answer is that I thought I wouldn't be eating.
I don't want to look at myself so I plan to drink until I can no longer see
To the boy who is supposed to notice these things,
I have come to spite you for the minuscule amounts of attention you give me these days
Out of everyone in the room you, are supposed to be looking at me
And the only thing you've noticed is how much of your ***** I have already had
Your eyes seem to glaze over the fact that there are tears in mine
Your mouth is too busy to realize I have not opened mine in 30 minutes
So I pour myself another drink because I want to look busy
But why haven't you noticed that all I needed is for you to ask "are you okay?"
I put my drink down and I slip to the bathroom where I succumb to my demons and drop to my knees
The first time today where I have felt at ease
I make it quick and pop a gum in my mouth
You tell me not to drink anymore
All I wanted to hear was that you think I am beautiful
Instead I hear that you don't like what I'm wearing
Just know that I lied when you asked if I threw up
So I creep into the kitchen and pour myself a drink