It's too warm here..
Or maybe my heart is too warm and overwhelmed.
I can't believe you can just delete me from your life in seconds..
I am so stupid to have hope.
I am so stupid to be this weak.
I am so stupid to cry.
I am so stupid to call you a hundred times a day when I actually know you would never pick up.
I am so stupid to write for someone who takes my words as an act of begging you to come back.
I am so stupid to believe in you and trust you with my life..
I am not only stupid, I am a ******* weak kid, like you always say. Yes, remember when you told me I am kid, remember when you used to repeat this word several times just to make me feel like so. Yes I am kid because I believed in you. Be happy, you're so right in every word.
Yes I ruined your life.
Yes I ruined my life which is more important that yours.
Yes I ruined my heart which was filled with alot of people before you and now its so empty.
I need to remind myself.
I need to hate you so ******* much!!! I need to!!
I wish I succeed in hating you.. At least I will feel free from your prison..
Hating you will **** the hope..
It will make me happy..
It will make me stop worry about you..
I need to hate every word, every touch, every kiss, every smile, every getaway and everything that reminds me of you.
I need to throw your watch away.
I need to throw the gifts you constantly give me.
I need to throw the necklaces, bracelets, gift cards...
I need to throw the bottles of waters I always collect of days of us going out together.
I need to throw my pillow that you once placed your head on.
I need to stop imagining you walking around my room.
I need to stop from getting into my car and driving half way to your place.
I need to stop thinking of reaching you.
I need to stop styling my hair the way you like, watching the series you watch, listening to what you listen..
I need to live one day without thinking of you, what you did, where did you go, what did you eat and if you put on your car belt..
I need to sleep peacefully without imagining scenarios of you being around me.
I need to stop imagining what would you do if I came to your place, or if I saw you somewhere.
I need to stop crying whenever I write or think of you.
I need to betray you.. I need to love someone else, I need my heart to beat for another.
I need to stop loving you now and forever.. near or from distance..
That's all what I need.
That's what I am keeping in my heart.
That's what I cannot do because of the ****** hope I have.
That's what you're supposed to do, you need to make me hate you.
If you love me enough, let me hate you..
Let me be free.