11:44pm.
I am waiting.
I just loathe the pain you insert in my heart.
I am the busiest person yet I find time to **** myself with the memories you leave for me.
I maybe hurt you,
but it's because I am hurt too.
That's something you will never understand.
You expect me to be the angel when you come back. Yet you will never understand that while you changed, I changed too.


I am dying.
This is the best phrase that can describe what I feel.
I am not anymore feeling that you are actually torturing me.
I don't feel you're going away and coming back in a blink of an eye just to play with my heart.
In fact, I remind myself of the torture, yet I convince myself that you have a pure heart that truly cares for me.

Why me?
Why?
Why should "myself" be so weak?
Why should "myself" be so lenient and easy with your torture?
Why am I so ******* "myself"?
Why can't I just "HATE" you?
Why can't God almighty make me "HATE" you?
WHY!!!!
Why can't I convine myself that you don't deserve me?
YOU DON'T.
YOU DON'T DESERVE ME.
WHY CAN'T I UNDERSTAND THAT!!!

I don't want to cry over you..
I don't want to wait for you..
I want to stop loving you..
I don't want to care, worry or do anything..
I want to LIVE.
Just LIVE.
I want to erase all memories.
I want to be unfaithful of you ONLY FOR ONCE.