In the way you stare at the sun
Just because you forget you’re not supposed to

When you let your hair fall in front of your face so I won’t see you blush
Or when you push it out of your eyes to make sure I see how mad you are
But not really because you know that I love to make you mad just so I can make it up to you with an unexpected gesture, But you have to pretend you’re mad so it will be a surprise

You love surprises

The way you try to cover up your freckles even though you know I’ll just wipe off the make-up
There’s that mad expression again, I call it your Doghouse face
Baby I’m sorry but really, that just wasn’t your color, it looked simply awful
You giggle and that was my plan all along, just to make you laugh

You might get me back later by calling me Pooky or some other God awful atrocity in front of the guys
You think you’ve won now but I take their jeering as proof of their jealousy of my silly
beautiful girl
My girl with golden hair like the essence of light itself

Ragged at the ends where you tried to cut it yourself

Torn, like your memories
As frayed as the edges of your drug addled mind

I know that its not that you don’t care about me that you sneak out of my arms in the night
Just that my pleads for you to be safe are no match for the begging from your veins
And when I find you in the morning curled up in a corner I want to yell and shake you until I can make you give a ****
Then you’re eyes find mine and I melt, realizing I’ve already forgiven you
I sink down the wall next to you and hold your shaking frame while you mumble how you’re so sorry, so so sorry
You just can’t help yourself
It’s okay baby girl, I’m here
I’ll help you
Just let me
Please let me and I’ll save you.

please
please

please just

let me
let me

All I have now are these memories
A simple list of treasures
  Your stubborn need to criticize yourself
Your pale hand running through your golden hair
  A bony hand running through ragged strands
Your satin skin against mine in the dark
  Feeling a world map of scars and abuse like trying to read your broken mind with a touch
Being dragged through the same stores for hours watching your face light up when you try on anything in reach
  Being thrown out of stores after finding our pockets empty
Running through the grass barefoot and falling down for an excuse to watch you spin yourself dizzy
  Holding your hair back while you try to tell me the puking is from spinning too fast
The way you drag a cigarette too deep and try to cover a cough
The way you have to talk to everyone on the street
Old or young, rich or poor
You can’t focus
You bite your nails
You hate TV but love the movies
You love hamburgers and daffodils
Skittles but not green or yellow
The color scarlet, not red
Laughing too loud in all the wrong places
Pretending you don’t care what anyone thinks but spending hours in the mirror

How you have to fall asleep with my arms around you but kicking me bruised in your sleep
But I keep a tight hold and I don’t dare let go

Please baby girl, let me protect you
I would rather die than see the smallest piece of sadness in your emerald eyes

You couldn’t hold me back
I don’t want a normal life

Don’t do this

There’s always hope
Its never too late
If you’re broken I will fix you
I won’t ever give up

I love you Beka

Don’t do this

And I always will