how satisfying is it to feel nothing-
numbness living inside your bones
on the days when nothing else feels lower than you
when the ocean floor couldn't even capture your darkness.
how comforting are the racing thoughts inside your mind
that no one can know.
No one knows.
How the good everyone else feels is just a coping tactic
for all the bad they feel inside their bones.
A tragedy to deny yourself the liberty of lonely-
the hands you feel in the dark wrap around your throat again
and you don't say the things you desire in the end.
You become the end-
You become an end
the means to it just diminishes under your skin
and you are lonely again
all because feeling things has never been in your nature-
maybe just once.
But those times never turn out the way you want them to
and timing is the biggest ****-block you will ever know.
Wake for me
breathe in and out until your lungs forget what panic is-
until your brain forgets that you don't control your own breathing.
Put this life on cruise control and wait for traffic to *******.
Sulk in the fact you're stationary.
Convince yourself this body you live in isn't worth the trouble
that it will make a mess out of the remains of another
and leave you emotionless and empty
watching as the person you wish you could care about
withers away in the corner of your mind
all because you wish you would've tried.
Break around your edges and remove the dishonesty-
reality is the only villain in this movie
and you just play it at times you have nothing else to do
dreaming is your aphrodisiac
and waking up never feels as good as when you were a kid.
Built yourself a castle-
four walls and bridges surrounding the ****
you try to convince yourself you are
but your aura likes to paint a different picture.
Cast away-
remind yourself you are broken
remember how you got there.
Run fast in a different direction.
Choose wisely,
or don't choose at all.
Lose.
Lose again until winning feels abstract
fill yourself with the insecurity behind your eyelids.
Remember you will break someone
Remember they will break you-
don't forget to tell them thank you as you leave.
Apologize for the mess you made
but never be the one to clean it up.
Selfish is a second nature
and I am the mother of all mistakes again.
This self-assurance was short lived
and I'm on the brink of breaking for the 100th time.
Swoon me into sanity
and push me into the depths you like to call self-righteous.
Rebuild.
Remember waking up to the sunrise.
Remember the lowest you've ever felt-
run fast in a different direction.
Just Run.
Think of me when you do
because alone is not human nature.
Running has always been what I'm good at
and when I stopped I became stagnant  
then stagnancy became my state of mind.
So run.
and think of me when you do,
we will never become weak
as long as we keep moving.
So run.