I told myself I wouldn't cry the second time because I already accepted the fact that you would leave again.
But today I cried when I turned off my street and saw the sunset more beautiful than I'd ever seen, and again when I was ordering a sandwich in the jimmy johns drivethru because you hate jimmy johns but you ate it because you knew how much I loved it and again when I non-accidentally found your note that you told me to burn that I never burned and again when I pulled into the Pjs driveway just because. And again on the way home because I realized I've never had one healthy romantic relationship. And again when I walked inside my house and saw my sister sleeping on the couch because she's leaving for Texas tomorrow and because that's the place I sleep when I'm at home so that I never have to sleep in my bed alone. But tonight she's got on my sweatpants and she's using my blanket and she's sleeping on my couch and I can't stop because I'm so lonely and I wish you cared for just one second, but she's probably sitting on my side of your bed and listening to all your high thoughts and I'll have to be okay with that from now on, because I already knew you would leave the second you decided to stay. And I already know you'll leave even though you haven't admitted it to me.
I just wish you knew how much you meant to me. How much it breaks my heart to see you unhappy with me. But I won't say anything and neither will you because communication has never been our thing. And all we are is just "a thing," so whatever, right?