Your name comes up
like that bill you forgot to pay
the idea of forgotten plans
the ones you didn't make
the want to stay in anyway

2 am and I demand myself
a clean demeanor
a thousand miles per hour
Dim lit room, raggedy people

stepping on set I pretend more
I pretend to not notice
white tee shirt, tan skin
I pretend to not feel your heartbeat, a hug delivered
a reconnaissance of memory, bitter water
I pretend that I am well, I am wearing white
I pretend I don't think about you often
I pretend to not regret
I'm stepping on a line between two skyscrapers
Close death at far range mistake simply made
Breathe is deranged at any second I could slip
Stomach sinking faster than me
Before I reach the other building centimeters away
I turn back, a tightrope much harder
and wish I could have been pushed instead