I have favors to give out today, the brilliant and fantastic kind that could evoke something lovely. I don't know in what, where or even who I will give them to but I know. I can feel it, its been running up and down my spine all night. I want to be a part of this fever. You did it. You accomplished it. I am stuck with you forever unless you let go. Are you done now? Your the only one that can fix it anymore. Nobody else remembers me. I miss them all though. I really do. You remember, before you took me for yourself while they sprinted from the mania you whisper. I remember. I remember standing frozen while you pushed them away from me. You hurt them. I have nobody else but you now.

You swallowed me up. I survive feeding off of you. I have to stay here now unless you reach in and pull me out. You comfort me and tell me that if they really loved me as much as you do they would still be here like you are. You repeat it so often. I believe you. I still do. I am yours because you truly love me like none of the others could. I still love you. I still want you to love me more. I only want to make them care again. Your the only one they get to worry about anymore. You take it all away from me.

You bring them around and make me electric with their touch. You make me feel like an authentic person again. You tell me I deserve this. I forget about you a bit as you begin to creep under their skin. You use me to distract them. Pain. You show them pain and fear and the pure deep insanity of this all. You show them the wreckage and then rewind the tape, slow it down a bit and press play. You can't keep showing them the end of the story. I cannot keep trying to convince sane people to board a plane thats planning on crashing mid flight. It makes me look crazy. Sane people don't like crazy.  Instead, as they always do, they run from crazy.  I don't chase them anymore like I used to. You told me not to.  Chasing for love implies weakness and weakness deserves punishment. I don't chase anymore.

I'm urning to be moving for no reason other than progress. I'm so tired of falling down while the rest of them are pushed further and further away. Let me go. Let me walk forward. Its been 10 years since I crashed into you. I was running so fast that day. It was a mistake, I tripped and fell. You licked me up with pretty promises of pink ballerinas. Now, let me do this just this once. I'm still 10 years old with you. I'm still here. Why am I still here? This began so long ago my love. Why are you keeping me here? You have such a nasty habit of pushing me down as soon as I place my feet outside the bed each day. You kick me down so hard that the bruises and cuts won't heal anymore. I can't wake up another day because I know what inevitably happens. When I sleep, I'm afraid to wake up. I'm scared that I'll forget about you for just a second and won't brace myself in time. You won't let me forget about you, even for a moment, will you?

I keep wondering when you'll push me a little harder and I'll fall backwards. What happens then? What if you make a mistake? I am not a strong as I used to be and you keep telling me to get stronger. I try not to sleep anymore. Alarm clocks are terrifying. What did I ever do so wrong? Did I really come out that bad? Was I really meant to end up here? Did you have your eye on me all along? I've just been waiting around for so long. I don't know what's after this place. I couldn't tell you what the others know about.

That uncertainty is what keeps your knuckles white and fastened to my wrist. You told me I can't catch up anymore. You told me again. I get it. I'm here forever and its useless and stupid to think otherwise. But maybe I want to be stupid. Maybe I am a naive *****. Call me a naive *****. Say it. I just want to try one last time. A bit of light wind would do just fine for me. Thats all I need. I just need a hand up from the ground. You never thought I was good enough anyways. Don't you want to get rid of me and find a better one? I'm getting older and sicker. We don't have fun anymore. You never smile at me. I don't laugh anymore. I can't put up a fight when you trick me. I just flop around like a rag doll in your grasp these days. Why don't you go find a new one? I'm sure she'll be more exciting.

I only need an easy push in the right direction and then I'll be gone from here. You can hunt and chase down a lovely new one. She's sure to be much lovelier that I ever was. If I get up and walk again, soon enough I'll be running again. My hair will fly and tangle itself in the wind. You wouldn't want to fix up that mess anyhow. I would only need a moment to figure out my way. I have so many favors to give out today, so many favors for them to adore. I want them to adore me. I would even give you a few in exchange for this  gust of life back into my dead bones. Just one. Thats all I need. One favor from you. Only one. One. 1.