Every time we went up into the staircase and I watched your shaky nervous legs go down the hallway I felt  surprised and happy. I remember the first time you took me up there just so we could be alone for a while. We sat in silence and you just looked at me with those big brown eyes of yours and all of the sudden I felt your lips on mine. It was almost like something took you over and you started touching my body, but for some reason the thing that was running through my mind wasn't "What if we get caught?" Nothing was in my mind really. My main focus was you. When I felt your breath against my neck it was like nothing else mattered. That you were all I needed in that moment. Us just having our bodies against each other was so calming to me. We just sat in that stairwell and I looked at your unfocused brown eyes. I guess it was just the way that the  light hit them that drove me insane and made me feel like all of my nervousness just left.  And then it happened. The words "We should stop." Came out of your mouth.



Of course my first thought was that I had done something wrong. Until you sat in the floor and patted the spot next to you for me to set. It was silent for a solid three minutes.  Those three minutes were probably the longest minutes of my life. All of these things were going through my head and then the thing that got me away from all the chaos was when I heard you sputter out the words "Have you ever thought about suicide?" I quickly turned my head at you to see your hands over those soft brown eyes trying to cover that you were tearing up. Before I could respond you told me "Being addicted to **** *****." You went on to tell me that you are smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and that she is using you and you just can't stay away. That she only wants you for money, and that you don't want t worry about the future.

I try to tell you that If you cut off the things holding you back you will feel a lot better, and then you start going on about happiness. "Happiness is all *******." you say "Every time I get happy whatever it was leaves." I nod my head in agreement and that's when your brown eyes got teary. That's when I knew that things were getting hard for you. You had never opened up to me before, but  I guess now I'm your only friend. I'm the only one that has stuck around. Only because I am so helplessly in love with you and your brown eyes. No matter what is going on in your life or whatever you do to me I will never be able to stay away. Those brown eyes of yours have me hooked on you and I promise I'll never leave.