The Mistake

My life,
Was a mistake coupled with regret, depression, and sad emotions
My life has been a sad existance since before I came out my mothers womb.
My birth spelled death to my mother for, she was given a 18-life sentence.
I was a mistake so I must pay
For all of my life my feelings have been cheerful and upbeat.
But my laugh was used to deceive what my eyes cannot.
My pain is unforgiving and is my penitence.
I must suffer alone cast away in a small cold lead box
Being left to rot, forgotten about because I never should have been born.
I’m not apart of this world.
Niether heaven or hell awaits one who was never supposed to exist.
I was born from nothing and shall go back to nothing
So why?
What is the purpose of a life like this,
I say as I ‘m kneeling in my small lead box.
A boy with no name always acting cheerful and upbeat.
Now a man refered to as John Doe lonely depressed and with a wish for a long painless sleep.
Suddenly he has a realization for the first time, he had existed, he had lived.
He felt he was not worth it so his friends he pushed away
He is the reason  for him being alone, for now he knows this hell that is his life is of his own mental construct
The bitterness and cold he placed upon himself was to much to bear.
All the emotions he thought he never had steadly came flowing out of him in the form of his first tears.
His tears full of regret and warmth lifted some of the burden on his heavy heart.
He could feel the heat of his own body as his once frozen heart began to beat.
His first time feeling alive ironicly was his last
His heart unfrozen could not take the burden of his past.
He died a slow painful death in that lead box with screams unheard.
Alone, not missed, no one shed a tear, because no one knew who he was
A nameless man forgotten about in time
Almost……almost like he never existed.