I am exhausted, tired to my very bone, I am weak from not eating. My muscles are sore-my knots bundled tight… I do not have much to give and for the first time- I do not have much fight.

I have this bad habit of seeing what I want- being blinded by that smile- the one she gives me that curves my mouth at the slightest thought or touch… instead of seeing that person or situation for exactly what it was- and I am just simply… not what she wants.

And I am not going to say it doesn’t hurt- because it does- it hurts more than I thought it would. Do you owe me something? How about a proper good bye- Do you owe me something? Alright fair enough- No baby you owe me nothing- my mistake, I thought you were my friend, although I still believe you to be- you just have a complicated way of showing me at times.

and ok I admit it, maybe I know nothing and my intuition ******* *****- but I did not know friend’s kissed like this… do all your friends make you wet, sweat and call their names like this? Last time I checked I did not touch my friends like this.

I wanted you to be more, because I was starting to care more- normally you do not shrug off my feelings or my touch, but last night you did and now somehow my feelings are not allowed and this situation is my fault- or at least it feels that way… and you were wrong I did not sleep at all.

And maybe I am missing something- after all I cannot see things through your eyes- but I am willing to listen if you would be willing to have me hear your side- like I have told you before I am not passive- I feel and when I am hurt impulse gets the best of me - but it doesn’t mean my wounds will not heal- it doesn’t mean I have changed my mind- or you mean anything less to me… it’s just my defense because I do not want you to see how badly not saying good bye hurt me.