Looking out into the night, I see nothing sitting here on the ledge of my studio window. Or rather I see what other's might over look and view as nothing- nothing speacial. A deck that seperates twin apartment buildings, an old tree, the street to my right and the remains of a broken building and weathered fence to my left.
This is the first place I have ever called my own- neighbor's that embrace with love and friendship become a second family in their simple way. I am sad to leave.
I have been alone so long that Im not sure how to be around people, let alone let someone stay a while.
I like my simple close friends- support its taken me what seems like a life time to earn and find. I like who I am and the woman I am becoming. Its uncomplicated, and yet still tangled in this flesh is every story- every person who has ever touched it. I hold their memories, trying to always learn from what each one left behind.
Laughter, love, a voice of my own, forgiveness, bridges burnt, bridges rebuilt- responsibility for my actions and the every day learning struggle of not letting people project their feelings on to me and trying my hardest to not project my own feelings on to them...
I guess, I just hope the people in my life that do stick around- the ones that took another look, the ones who truely cared to get to know me- know that even though I suck at showing them at times - that I simply love them, in the simplest way possible.
"love the ones that treat you right- and forget the ones that dont"
Thats kind of been my moto since my birthday this year. I am not one to judge- I know I have fucked up- we all do... and for me forgiveness is the one gift that can be recieved, or given- in a world where people seem to know only how to walk away- that makes all the difference. I thought thats how I wanted to be... the one that leaves first so they never feel the bite of sadness but thats not my way, it never has been.
So I say " first love yourself, staying true to your own heart, then love the ones that treat you right and the ones that treat you wrong- learn to forgive- learn to speak less and do more. Love is an action, we can say it all day... but if we do not learn to show each other, then it means little."-me