I can't lie to myself any longer.
You still consume my mind and my thoughts and I would rather die than admit it.
I hate the fact that I can't control that I love you. You got me hooked on your sick games and you are like a drug to me, an addiction in every single way imaginable.
It's funny because you made me believe I was special. You spoke words that I so easily overlooked because I thought I knew better than that. But I can't pretend those words didn't impact me, didn't make me so impossibly happy. I would be fooling myself if I said I didn't want to hear you speak them, and I would be an even greater fool if I said I didn't want to hear them again.
I still remember the first time my eyes saw yours as if it was yesterday. I knew from that very second that you would mean more to me, and I to you. You leaked bad news but I wanted it all, I wanted my heart to be broken by you.
And broke it you did. You had me at your feet, I would have done anything and everything for you because I was your prisoner and I was yours. I was trapped and defeated and I couldn't get out of the deep hole you had thrown me in. I remember spitting the dirt out of my mouth and thinking that I would never hurt you as much as you had hurt me.
Do you have a heart? Can you love? Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much you would die for them?
I say I don't love you, but you are not easy to get over. Especially since you continue to haunt me like a ghost in my past and present, and you will undoubtedly be there in my future.
How can I tell the truth if I can't accept it myself?