Jun 2015
Because god I can feel the words crawling up my throat and I can't breathe and a part of me is okay with that and a part of my doesn’t want to breathe if it means this pain will only get stronger
And I cant seem to think of anything but your finger tips and your voice and my god I wish I didn’t because it only makes the hurricane in my chest get louder and it only makes my lip quiver and my hands shake
And there's so many words, god so many words but they never fit together right and I could never use enough of them to describe the way the sun dances in your eyes and I wish to god I could and I wish to god I couldn’t
Because you're the one part of myself that I actually liked but now I'm just a cluster of hard edges and unfinished drawings and I don’t know how to make the hurricane stop and I don’t know how to take your voice out of my veins
But I want to god, I want to and I want to go back to when you held my hand and the way your finger tips felt against my skin
And when I wanted them to be rough and harsh because it would make it easier to keep you out if you were everything I didn’t need but my god they were soft and warm and they made the oxygen leave my lungs and they drowned out the noise in my head and it only made it worse
Because now I don’t know how to block you out of my veins when you're already the air I breathe
But I need to because my god your eyes could bring down stars and your voice could end wars but you're so much better than me and I can't bare the thought of watching the light leave your eyes when you figure that out
And you're so good and pure and I'm darkness and the monsters in my head and my god I would ruin you and my god you’ve already ruined me and I don’t know how to breathe
And I cant breathe and nothing about the way you look at me is pure but that doesn’t change the way your shoulders look as if they could carry the world and yet it doesn’t matter
Because you're so much better than me
And my god I'm darkness and monsters and I don’t want the monsters to touch you because you're the greatest force of good I've ever met and I couldn’t bare to let my darkness taint that
And I cant seem to think of anything but your finger tips and your voice and my god I wish I didn’t because it only makes the hurricane in my chest get louder and it only makes my lip quiver and my hands shake
And there's so many words, god so many words but they never fit together right and I could never use enough of them to describe the way the sun dances in your eyes and I wish to god I could and I wish to god I couldn’t
Because you're the one part of myself that I actually liked but now I'm just a cluster of hard edges and unfinished drawings and I don’t know how to make the hurricane stop and I don’t know how to take your voice out of my veins
But I want to god, I want to and I want to go back to when you held my hand and the way your finger tips felt against my skin
And when I wanted them to be rough and harsh because it would make it easier to keep you out if you were everything I didn’t need but my god they were soft and warm and they made the oxygen leave my lungs and they drowned out the noise in my head and it only made it worse
Because now I don’t know how to block you out of my veins when you're already the air I breathe
But I need to because my god your eyes could bring down stars and your voice could end wars but you're so much better than me and I can't bare the thought of watching the light leave your eyes when you figure that out
And you're so good and pure and I'm darkness and the monsters in my head and my god I would ruin you and my god you’ve already ruined me and I don’t know how to breathe
And I cant breathe and nothing about the way you look at me is pure but that doesn’t change the way your shoulders look as if they could carry the world and yet it doesn’t matter
Because you're so much better than me
And my god I'm darkness and monsters and I don’t want the monsters to touch you because you're the greatest force of good I've ever met and I couldn’t bare to let my darkness taint that
