Jun 2015
And they would never know that somedays I went hungry
Spreading out snacks
Not being able to spare anything because it would be less to get me by
Choosing between toothpaste or a pack of ramen because my mom "could" only give me $175 in the course of almost 4 months.
I'd hate people, half because of who they are half because of what they had. Security. Infinite meals. No worries. They'd never know when my buzz wore off that I awoke from my dreams in a panic. Ashamed that I finally let myself EAT, have a drink, and a laugh carelessly. Something that wasn't plain white rice or stolen toast or cereal because my host mom was away for the weekend.
It's scary really being that close to starving all the time because you know if you really EAT you'll have nothing left. So you convince yourself that you could stand for a diet and lose all that EATING you were doing when your drawer still had money in it.
for the first time in your life, you have to depend on people other than mom and dad because what they have just wasn't enough. You became that relative or friend. The one carefree in her photos or status, but anxiety filled in direct messages and phone calls.
You're jealous because they don't have to worry about their family being irritable with them because they just had to EAT. And when you come back home you'll have souvenirs and a few pounds gone too. Smiling because this is what you wanted.
Spreading out snacks
Not being able to spare anything because it would be less to get me by
Choosing between toothpaste or a pack of ramen because my mom "could" only give me $175 in the course of almost 4 months.
I'd hate people, half because of who they are half because of what they had. Security. Infinite meals. No worries. They'd never know when my buzz wore off that I awoke from my dreams in a panic. Ashamed that I finally let myself EAT, have a drink, and a laugh carelessly. Something that wasn't plain white rice or stolen toast or cereal because my host mom was away for the weekend.
It's scary really being that close to starving all the time because you know if you really EAT you'll have nothing left. So you convince yourself that you could stand for a diet and lose all that EATING you were doing when your drawer still had money in it.
for the first time in your life, you have to depend on people other than mom and dad because what they have just wasn't enough. You became that relative or friend. The one carefree in her photos or status, but anxiety filled in direct messages and phone calls.
You're jealous because they don't have to worry about their family being irritable with them because they just had to EAT. And when you come back home you'll have souvenirs and a few pounds gone too. Smiling because this is what you wanted.
