I fell in love with a girl
one summer during high school.
she had bronze skin
and long fingers
and a meek giggle
that would crescendo beautifully
whenever things went just right.
we were happy
for a while.
she made me a mixtape for my birthday
with all the songs that reminded her of me
including the folk song that was playing
when we first kissed.
it was awkward
and nervous and shy
but so were we.
I still listen to it on bad days.
I swear the best days of my life
were spent on a bean bag chair
on her bedroom floor
with her hand in mine
and no words being spoken
because there were no gaps
that words needed to fill.
sometimes we would paint each others' nails
so we would match
and my patience would be tested
as we waited for the paint to dry.
I wanted to touch her
but I didn't want to smear my nails
after she had painted them so delicately.
I had her love on my hands
and she was a part of everything I created.
she got me a stuffed animal when she was on vacation
I swear it was the longest week of my life.
it was a teddy bear with a purple ribbon
and I named him Conor
after our favorite musician.
I still sleep with it on bad days.
but nothing ever stays the same.
we drifted and moved on and found new lives
without each other
and now I barely know her name.
I wonder how she's doing sometimes
but I don't have her phone number anymore.
her old one's out of service
but I still call it on bad days.