I did a bad thing
And I feel bad about it
Although it took me a long time
To realize it was bad.

I don't want to discuss it
I don't want to think about it
I don't want to hear about it
But it won't leave me alone.

I stop myself
When I see those I used to call friends
And I want to talk to them
But how can I, after what I did?

I feel guilty
And ashamed
And I don't know how to make that feeling leave
Maybe it can't.

I feel like I need validation
Not of my actions,
But that they were wrong
An agreement

I don't know why I want punishment
But I feel like I should be a dog
Submissive to the master
Who caught it doing wrong

And we did get caught
But I was never punished
Untouchable
Innocent

And yet no
I know I'm not innocent
And yet I play no part in the consequences
How does that make me feel?

Not good
Not like I escaped death
Like I got away with something
And should celebrate.

This isn't something to celebrate
It was wrong
And I should have known it then
But I was too caught up

There's nothing I can do now to fix it
Except write this meaningless poem
That I won't show to anyone
To try and make myself feel better.