I got lost in my own life.
It feels like a life I no longer want to call my own.
I give up. Im not proud. I feel worthless
Like I really dont matter.
Like nothing matters.
I shouldn't be here, messing with this world, with the people in it..
they would be happier if i was not here.
Hurting people with my confusion, my own tortured heart.  
Im not good, I'm not nice.
Im not special.
Im wounded.
I know the world that is true, but..
Will i ever get to go? Can i stay?
Sometimes we will find this world,
But as soon as we do
it disappears, and so do i.
Im tired of the distractions,
the places my thoughts can take me,
I cant see ****!
I forgot to look.
I forgot to care.
So I went for a walk.
I saw the immaculate beauty of this place today.
I sat in space.
I saw that my mind is filled with poison.
I saw that the inner world i have been experiencing is no where i want to be.
I heard the beautiful sound of inch tall waves lapping at the shore.
Then i opened my eyes.
I saw complete and utter gorgeousness,
nothing was missing.
I saw the mountains across the bay.
The blue hues of different distances,
the birds intricate dance with the wind.
The perfect and unique personality of each rock,
Caressing a few,
I wished i could take them all home..
Every stick washed ashore,
intentionally placed by the forces of nature.
I saw it all,
but still dont have an answer for all this **** inside my mind.
I can see the dancing of the universe, but still dont know why it dances,
or why i came to see the show.