Boyfriend*
the word hits me like a truck
full of **** i was ready to tell You
and the fuzz that's clogging my lungs and heart and eyes.
i smile
i have to
Your joys are mine
You're happy so i am.
i reach down my throat and shove down the lump
it crushes the delicate butterflies in my stomach
they never stood a chance anyway
of course this was inevitable
look at You. You're amazing.
i am looking at You
with longing and admiration
but hopefully not the terrible grief i feel
what's the point anyway.
why risk it.
i am happy
You are so i am.
i pick up the pieces of my heart
being careful to avoid the mulch
we don't want splinters of course
the swings are wet
but maybe i could launch myself into another reality where i'm good enough if i swing harder, higher, faster, better.
now, i'm alone
just thinking.
so are You but not of me.
but i'm happy
You are so i am.