I am stooped against the cool glass of my window with a cigarette resting between my chapped lips.
I watch as the smoke wafts and curls through the changing autumn air.
A million thoughts are dancing through my tired mind but I cannot settle on one.
I think about the person I am to become in the coming months.
It is these moments of quiet contemplation that I cherish these days.
My soul and my over worked heart seem to be shifting and growing each passing minute.
I find myself constantly wondering who I am and uncertain if I have found the last piece to the puzzle of my identity.
Each step I take leads me down a different path and even though I feel lost on this winding trail I still believe I am headed in the right direction.
I want to live in each moment.
I dream about digging my toes into white, soft sand as the sweet scent of ocean air fills my lungs and twists and twirls through my auburn hair.
But dreams aren’t real.
This moment is real.
I hear the rushing sounds of this urban evening.
I smell the crisp smell of the smoldering tobacco.
I see the twinkle of far away city lights between the branches of the swaying trees.
I feel a million different emotions pulsating through my veins at once;
A sliver of happiness, a twinge of regret, a wrench of pain, and a surge of hope.
Sometimes I sit here simply to remind myself of the vibrant life that exists outside of the confines of these white washed walls and cinderblock ceilings.
Sometimes I sit here to remind myself that I am still alive.