a year ago i didn't know the turmoil i would go through
and i didn't know the kind of happiness i would experience.
a happiness so great i could never explain in words, and an
appreciation for everyday life that came out of nowhere but
what seemed like second nature to me, enveloping me
with every inhale and exhale.

i found friendship in places i least expected, i found
distraction when i needed it the most, and i learned that
i have to set my own standards or people can and will
walk all over me.

i learned that it's okay to want to be wanted, but
that i cannot let that define me or i will end up feeling
more lost than when i began.

i learned that it's okay to be lost, and it's okay to not
know how to seek help even when you're trying with
every fiber of your being; even when absolutely nothing
is working, the sheer will to keep going is enough to
keep you alive.

it's important to remember that breathing is involuntary and
so that's one less thing you have to try to do and your heart
pumps blood all by itself and so when you think you aren't
doing anything, your body will take over and let you do
nothing and you are still alive.

and when you look at life like that, any effort you put
in can only be a positive no matter the outcome because
you did more than was physically necessary to get by
and who cares if you ****** up for god's sake you're alive.

the sun will still come up tomorrow no matter what you did
and you may not see it because of the clouds or you may sleep
through it because you were up so late trying to fix what you
think you did wrong or you may be too busy looking down to
realize it but the sun will rise whether you do anything at all or not.

this past year I learned the importance of giving that extra
effort, and how much joy it can bring.
but more importantly, i learned the necessity of not doing
anything at all in order to stay afloat, and that everybody does
it sometimes and even if they don't, they do.

we weren't made perfect beings,
you can't expect yourself to become one.