Drunk kisses don’t count here
Not even with me not even
when it’s the first drink.

And you said
“boys don’t want smart girls,
boys don’t fall in love with Tomboys.”

So I gave up my dreams I
Gave up hockey I
Started wearing makeup.
I began saying stupid, shallow things.

On my unhappiest days I still want to blame you.
when I can’t speak without doubting myself or
changing the infliction of my voice so I sound
like I am begging.

I remember being brave at 16.

Until you told me,
“boys don’t want girls who never listen
boys don’t like girls who can stand on their own feet.
Just sit quietly and I will
Break you piece by
Tiny piece I will
Make you hate me.
I will make you hate me but you will
Never have the strength to leave.”